Ladies: being a guy isn’t always as easy as it looks. Sure, I can do my hair in 18 seconds in the morning, after all, having the same hair style for 30 years does have its advantages. Sure, my morning routine might include not shaving, the scruffy look works on a Saturday. No, we don’t have to shave our legs (although guys: a hair trimmer is a great investment, you don’t have to look like a werewolf) and no, makeup is not an issue. Yes Loretta Lynn had it right, sometime it’s hard to be a woman (and easy to be a guy).
At some points in our lives, we Men have to decide to dress ourselves and determine our own style. Know this: we are dramatically unprepared for this critical mission. While most men spend their youth planning to become athletes or rock stars, some women (who I know) spend a significant portion of their lives planning to become fashion designers. While we were watching college basketball and wrestling, many of you were watching HDTV and Red Carpet Shows. For the record, I watched one of my first red carpet shows last night, the Golden Globes and I have two observations:
1. Halle Berry: Damn!
2. It’s easy to be a guy: wear a tux… (and glasses).
Like the approaching end of the Mayan Calendar, it recently became time to reexamine my fashion approach; it’s the end of an epoch. Golf shirts out, something else in; but what? After losing weight, it became necessary to change my look, pants on the ground is so last year! Since I am still dieting, I wasn’t looking for Red Carpet ready stuff; just something casual to get through the Florida winter. New jeans, not too baggy. Some shirts that don’t hang over my shoulders and, let’s see, something to keep me warm in the mild Orlando winter.
I know you have already conjured visions of my new wardrobe from GQ or a romance novel, but, let’s go back to my training: ball players and rock stars. I’ve been dressing like Jack Nicklaus since the Carter administration, so it’s time for the rock star look. Prince? Not really into ruffles. Mick Jaggar? Still too fat. James Taylor? I have too much hair, but closer.
I’ve got it! Glenn Frey! Founder and leader of the Eagles, I can even sing like him and play his music on my guitar! He’s only a little older than me and he has a full head of hair too! What does he wear? Thin ties and sports jackets for his “I’m too cool to be formal look”. Otherwise: jeans, tee shirts and plaid shirts!
I’m in! Jeans and tee shirts to announce to the world I’m skinny now, plaid shirts for warmth and the subtle message that I am hipper than the room! Yes, sir, Grandpa here, has it working, coolest dude in the subdivision, master of the universe. Off to Bass Pro and Target, the true male fashion boutiques. I splurged, got TWO plaid shirts at the Bass Pro (and some bait) and Target provided me with a cornucopia of jean choices. Carpenter, straight, boot cut, tighter than my ass, the style choices were almost overwhelming. And colors! Blue, faded blue, and black! My God, I was overwhelmed. Levi or Lee? I don’t know, but the private label wasn’t going to happen, would the lead singer of the Eagles wear Target brand jeans?
Now I just had to make sure my sneakers didn’t have broken laces…
“That’s it, I should be set until the Nursing Home wagon comes to get me”, I thought. I have a look that is me, that says I am cooler than the accountant next door or the Indian doctor down the street. Nope, I am a fashion plate, someone who can casually throw on jeans and a tee shirt and look like he just fell out of a page in Esquire…
and then I read the comics.
It turns out, I may have slightly missed the Glenn Frey look and actually modeled another fashion icon, Jeremy from Zits.
Oh well, it’ll work until someone decides I am a good fixer upper project. Damn, Halle Berry looks good, wonder if she’d like a challenge?