Ladies: being a guy isn’t always as easy as it looks. Sure, I can do my hair in 18 seconds in the morning, after all, having the same hair style for 30 years does have its advantages. Sure, my morning routine might include not shaving, the scruffy look works on a Saturday. No, we don’t have to shave our legs (although guys: a hair trimmer is a great investment, you don’t have to look like a werewolf) and no, makeup is not an issue. Yes Loretta Lynn had it right, sometime it’s hard to be a woman (and easy to be a guy).
At some points in our lives, we Men have to decide to dress ourselves and determine our own style. Know this: we are dramatically unprepared for this critical mission. While most men spend their youth planning to become athletes or rock stars, some women (who I know) spend a significant portion of their lives planning to become fashion designers. While we were watching college basketball and wrestling, many of you were watching HDTV and Red Carpet Shows. For the record, I watched one of my first red carpet shows last night, the Golden Globes and I have two observations:
1. Halle Berry: Damn!
2. It’s easy to be a guy: wear a tux… (and glasses).
Like the approaching end of the Mayan Calendar, it recently became time to reexamine my fashion approach; it’s the end of an epoch. Golf shirts out, something else in; but what? After losing weight, it became necessary to change my look, pants on the ground is so last year! Since I am still dieting, I wasn’t looking for Red Carpet ready stuff; just something casual to get through the Florida winter. New jeans, not too baggy. Some shirts that don’t hang over my shoulders and, let’s see, something to keep me warm in the mild Orlando winter.
I know you have already conjured visions of my new wardrobe from GQ or a romance novel, but, let’s go back to my training: ball players and rock stars. I’ve been dressing like Jack Nicklaus since the Carter administration, so it’s time for the rock star look. Prince? Not really into ruffles. Mick Jaggar? Still too fat. James Taylor? I have too much hair, but closer.
I’ve got it! Glenn Frey! Founder and leader of the Eagles, I can even sing like him and play his music on my guitar! He’s only a little older than me and he has a full head of hair too! What does he wear? Thin ties and sports jackets for his “I’m too cool to be formal look”. Otherwise: jeans, tee shirts and plaid shirts!
I’m in! Jeans and tee shirts to announce to the world I’m skinny now, plaid shirts for warmth and the subtle message that I am hipper than the room! Yes, sir, Grandpa here, has it working, coolest dude in the subdivision, master of the universe. Off to Bass Pro and Target, the true male fashion boutiques. I splurged, got TWO plaid shirts at the Bass Pro (and some bait) and Target provided me with a cornucopia of jean choices. Carpenter, straight, boot cut, tighter than my ass, the style choices were almost overwhelming. And colors! Blue, faded blue, and black! My God, I was overwhelmed. Levi or Lee? I don’t know, but the private label wasn’t going to happen, would the lead singer of the Eagles wear Target brand jeans?
Now I just had to make sure my sneakers didn’t have broken laces…
“That’s it, I should be set until the Nursing Home wagon comes to get me”, I thought. I have a look that is me, that says I am cooler than the accountant next door or the Indian doctor down the street. Nope, I am a fashion plate, someone who can casually throw on jeans and a tee shirt and look like he just fell out of a page in Esquire…
and then I read the comics.
It turns out, I may have slightly missed the Glenn Frey look and actually modeled another fashion icon, Jeremy from Zits.
Oh well, it’ll work until someone decides I am a good fixer upper project. Damn, Halle Berry looks good, wonder if she’d like a challenge?
“While most men spend their youth planning to become athletes or rock stars, most women spend their childhood planning to become fashion or interior designers. While we were watching college basketball and wrestling, you were watching HDTV and Red Carpet Shows.”
Geez, just when you start to have hope that sexist stereotypes are becoming a thing of the past, you read something like this.
Plenty of women aspire to become athletes or rock stars and male fashion and interior designers aren’t exactly unheard of. Some men don’t watch sports, and there are many women, myself included, who have never seen HDTV or Red Carpet Shows — whatever they are.
It’s high time you grew up and stopped making assumptions about people based on their gender.
Get over yourself. That was funny: funny is funny. I raised three wonderful daughters and am not a sexist.
Well, I was thinking about buying your book, but after that little display of attitude I most certainly will not.
I know funny when I see it, and you, sir, are most definitely not.
Sorry Celtic fan, we’ll miss your fabulous insight.
“Too many people grow up. That’s the real trouble with the world, too many people grow up. They forget. They don’t remember what it’s like to be 12 years old. They patronize, they treat children as inferiors. Well I won’t do that.” Walt Disney
And I was pissed because you got HGTV wrong lmao.
Stoopid boy
I was reading this and thinking: My god thgeses young kids got it made! I never had designer shows to watch and yes the boys did want to me jocks and stars that rock.
Girls were the ones that would cook and clean and raise the kids.
So everyone .. knock it off… this was funny and sadly true!
I’m no fashionista, though I know lots of people (mostly women, actually) who are. However, even I knew that this one pair of pants my husband had been hanging onto had to go. They were from his high school days — more than 10 years after those days were dead and buried. It’s not as if these were a pair of jeans, which I consider fairly generic attire in America. No, these were medium-blue corduroy (maybe dark-blue originally, who knows?) with beige (once white?) piping. Yes, piping. Plus, the corduroy was all rubbed out. These pants were just pathetic. What really killed me about them though, was that he never wore them. Yet, he refused to part with them. It was a two-year joke between us before he finally threw them away. Come to think of it, they’re still a joke between us — more than 10 years after they were finally dead and buried.
Well don’t feel like the loan ranger, I’m a Tom girl ( all girl) however I dress and have most of my life dressed like a boy. My fav places to shop are Target and some of the sports stores as well. I love the shirts with all the pockets for my photography. However bringing this look to anywhere but the outback is not very flattering so some of us are more artistic than fashionista’s. So be it……. We must then have a friend or family member close by for emergency wardrobe intervention.