Spending the night in an Emergency Room will get your attention. I had a toxic reaction to something that got in my contacts and spent several hours in agony as the doctors tried to figure out what was wrong with me. I’m fine now, thanks to modern medicine and the help of a wonderful son in law, but somethings occur to you while you are in the hospital.

“Is this just the beginning of something?” “Is there permanent damage?” “How DO my abs look now that my shirt is  off…” “Why is my shirt off anyway, my eyes hurt. Is there something else going on?”

We are all pretty fragile, it is only by some miracle that we are all able to walk upright and take a little nourishment. Here’s what I wondered most:

If not now, when? How long are we going to put off the important things? When you are in a hospital and in extreme pain, you are at your most mortal.

When do I become the Father and family leader I am supposed to be? If not now when?

I have more books to write, a PHD to earn, publishing contacts to get, a gospel of creativity to spread. If not now when?

What about learning to play guitar, not just strum, but kick ass? If not now when?

When do I forgive? If not now when?

When do I begin to make a difference in the lives of the people I love? If not now when?

When do I approach each day in true servitude and humility? If not now, when?

I’m reading the Steve Jobs bio ; he spent most of his life being a brilliant self indulgent prick, he only became more aware of others very late in life. How many of us want to be known as someone who was “complex?”

One of the biggest loads of crap is when someone says they “live every day to the fullest!” How exhausting! How about this, how about living an engaged life, full of meaning? A life that includes wonder, love and creativity but also includes long naps, good food and appreciation for simply breathing? Sounds like something I could go for. When does that start?

If not now, when?

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