You can’t control other people. You can try screaming, passive aggressive tactics, threats, appealing to emotions and every other trick in the book that parents, lovers and bosses have in their arsenal, but it comes down to this: people have free will.

No matter how good our intentions, we can only influence others, they make their own choices.

We grow. You are not the same person you were at 7 or 17 or 47. Your Mother, who may or may not still influence your decisions, quit making them for you along time ago. You own your life, you make choices.

So, if you can’t control other people and you own your own life, it is logical to say that you are responsible for how others treat you. You have the right to set boundaries, to speak up, to set terms. Relationships take two people to exist, each side gets to set the boundaries.

As an adult, you should know this: People treat you the way you let them.


There is no reason to be a victim, you have power. Take it! Draw some boundaries, set some limits or walk away from a situation. If you decide you won’t walk away, then establish that you will not allow certain behaviors any longer.

Try it with your kids, your employer, your partner. Do it with love, do it from strength. Redefine your boundaries and you will redefine yourself. You can’t control others’ reactions to this, you can only control you. (OF COURSE, if your safety is involved in this situation, get help professional help first). My suggestion is that you will be surprised by how effective setting boundaries is, by how much respect you will earn by standing up.

You are stronger and more independent than you think. Be brave.

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